Intelligent conversation, honesty, fun and laughs?

For starters I'm not in a position to date. Don't get me wrong, I am single - I'm single and paying off the debt that my ex left me with for the next 4 years (yes, that's right, it happens to women too you know) which means that, even if I miraculously came across a chap who looks like he made it across the missing link bridge, who is capable of maintaining an intelligent conversation, looking after himself, standing in an upright position, eating without drooling etc (I know, I have impossibly high standards), I can't afford to actually go on a date.

It started a week ago when a friend persuaded me to join an internet dating facility, against my better judgement, on a well known social networking site (we'll call this Site 1) for 'fun'. The thing is our ideas of 'fun' are as different as chalk and cheese. I prefer to have actually met, interacted with and be attracted to a chap I may to decide to engage in a spot of online 'fun' with, but that's just me.

Being of a broke persuasion I didn't want to pay anything for the 'privilage' but I was assured that there are ways around having to pay - basically you indicate in your profile that you're not a paying member so can't read or send messages and cleverly insert a contact email address (using commas and spaces etc) so that you can be contacted directly. This is frustrating and pretty pointless as I've found the majority of men (and I use this term in the loosest possible sense) don't bother to actually read your profile!

Then my sister informed me that there is a site that women can join for free and only the men have to pay (this will be known as site 2) - happy days!

My profile
(used same picture as profile pic on here)

In their own words

Interested in intelligent conversation, honesty, fun and laughs. NOT interested in online/phone shenanigans with total strangers, bulls**t or people that spend all their time feeling sorry for themselves or complaining about situations they're not prepared to try to change.

General Interests
Don't laugh - I like line dancing! Walking, cooking, blogging, making things (jewellery, cards, other stuff), reading, knitting (yes, knitting), cinema, theatre, duvet days, museums, galleries etc, blah, blah, blah!

Favourite Newspapers, Books or Magazines
The book thief, Harlan Coben, David Gemmel, John Connelly (not to be confused with Michael Connelly - although I do like him too), Jodi Picoult, Michael Chabon, Dean Koontz, and loads more - too many to mention!

Favourite Films or TV shows
West Wing, ER, NYPD blue, QI, The Big C, sci fi stuff (yes, including some Star Trek), Flashforward, Question Time (I know, I know, but I live in hope of seeing punches thrown at some point!), Mock The Week, random documentaries and biographies. Definitely NO soaps. I like so many films I can't even start to list them - love films that make you think about them for hours after, the ones that really punch you in the gut or resonate deeply.

Want to visit
Sichuan province, China

Favourite Music
Where to start?? I love country, 50's/60's/70's/80's, r&b, bon jovi, def leppard, john mayer, eric clapton, gordon haskell, ella fitzgerald, the script, scouting for girls - trying to think of all the different music I like is actually hurting now so I'm going to stop!

Favourite Sports
F1

Observations
1. Why, for heavens sake, why would you put a profile picture on a dating site of yourself and your previous girlfriend/wife? Seriously? Or, for that matter, a picture of your child - that's just wrong.

2. It doesn't matter how many times you send me a wink to say hello, if I haven't replied after the first dozen I'm not going to reply if you send more - get the message and stop your stalkerish behaviour!

3. The horror of encountering someone you know, this has happened 4 times, thought about clicking 'yes' for a giggle but was dissuaded by the possibility that it might be taken seriously!

Activity
Site 1
The first chap to send me a message looked like the guy from MIB (after the bug started devouring him from the inside out).

I'm not totally averse to the idea of long distance relationships. However, the majority of the 50+ 'yes' ratings I've had so far are just a tad beyond what I would call a reasonable travelling distance i.e. Algeria, Turkey, UAE etc

To date I have 37 messages that I can't read, from chaps who it would appear also can't read!

Site 2
My first encounter - 'Hello, you're a hotty totty'
Really? Well, thank you, that's very perceptive of you but on what are you basing this observation given that all I currently have on my profile (which has been active for all of 10 seconds) is my name?

Next encounter (which looked promising for a while) - general ice breaker so I responded that I'd like to know more about him. He responded with what he does for a living, no kids, looking for romance/girlfriend. Seemed perfectly pleasant so I responded that I'm fairly new to all this, not sure what I'm looking for but intelligent conversation, honesty, fun and laughs would be a good start. Oh, the disappointment at the oh so predictable response - 'how about some hot fun then?'
Hot fun? Hmm, and how's that working out for you in your search for romance/girlfriend?

Onwards and upwards right? Wrong.
Hello Dear,
Going through your profile,I discovered you such a unique person and will want to know you more.I might have read what i see on your profile,but i will want us to know and beleive in each other and get acquainted as speedy as possible.you can email me here[ ******** @ ********]with you by my side I will be the happiest and strongest man on this Planet.
Tempting but, um, no.

Chat up of the day
Man: Can I have your number?
Woman: It's in the phonebook
Man: But I don't know your name
Woman: That's in there too

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